5 Sep 2012

Reflections

Hi gals, so it seems today I felt a bit inspired and made a cap :P

Okay I had some spare time till I have my next exam which will be the next week, I felt a bit stressed so It has been a good way to relieve myself.

The thing with this cap is that after reading, I think that it turned out to be really emotional and that in many ways, holds something that I've been thinking for awhile. Seeing that sometimes I find myself at internal battle, holding interests and then finding problems along the way. I just had to take it out of me and say it to the rest. Probably it says something on how I feel when in Alectra mode and how I feel once I turn it off. Probably... When I first started this I had no problems with me or who I was. I learnt along the way, that there are two sides of us. Sometimes in harmony, sometimes clutching, struggling, battling. to rise and take control. That's the fun part of how Alectra turned out to be very much alive. There are two sides of us. Part masculine, part feminine. And that's how I feel. Some of us, see a game, a fantasy in all of this, some others wants to make it a reality. I just don't know if I would take it that far, but at least I would think about taking it to a trusted RP play or even try it in private to make Alectra come out more. Obviously I noticed there is a general improvement in how I feel, how I felt and how I will feel.

I know there are has been rough times for me or my relatives or friends... but in any case one always prevail. Now I know someone will think this is all made up for the sake of keeping the fantasy on. Well no, is not like that. I would never entrust other with false assumptions... I'm just not like that.

I know that I won't be able - not sute in the future - to express myself better, sometimes a mental struggle happens inside of me and drives me to screw everything and write in my own language. But I don't feel content, I just cannot throw away whatever I tried, and that I will keep trying. The point is not to be perfect but to be heard and make others understand how you feel when writing something...

*sigh* This turned out to be a semi depressive statement, but is my truth at the moment. 

Thanks for keeping with me so far!

Also this caption is an effort on my part, because I feel that I'm losing my "mojo" and really I don't want to feel that way...


Don't forget that I'm running a contest to find my new Avatar... More details in my previous post.

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